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Overheard in a Coffee Shop

 
burt
 
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burt
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26 October 2012 16:36
 

Yesterday I was out at the University of Victoria and spent a couple of hours working in an on campus coffee shop.  When I went in it was full of students and there were no empty tables so I approached a young woman who was seated alone at a reasonable sized table and asked if I could sit there.  She agreed, I sat down and we both carried on with what we were working on.  Some time later another young woman (I’ll call her Betty for distinction) came up who knew the first woman and she sat and the two of them started talking.  I kept working, but overheard occasional snippets of conversation, and started listening seriously when Betty started talking about a guy she was having problems with.  It seemed that the two of them along with several other people shared a house and this guy was a bit strange.  The conversation proceeded:

Betty: “I didn’t relate much to him but we talked and seemed to get along in a friendly way.  A couple of weeks ago he asked me if I wanted to play a game of scrabble and that was fun.  Then he sort of avoided me until yesterday when he came up and said ‘We have to talk.’  I don’t know why, there wasn’t anything I could think of that was important but he insisted that we needed to talk.  Then he said that I should leave the house, either that or we should be very close friends and spend lots of time together, because it was an awkward situation and my presence was keeping him from focusing on God.” 

And the guy wasn’t even a Muslim.  I kept my mouth shut but the temptation to start a rant was strong.

 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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26 October 2012 16:53
 

I understand the difficulty you had. Reading your summarization, My first thought was this guy is an opportunist manipulative ass. And that may exist even absent his beliefs.

 
 
MARTIN_UK
 
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MARTIN_UK
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26 October 2012 18:08
 

I remember one guy who used the “God card” to manipulate a female friend of mine and get into her pants many years ago, this sounds very similar.
I think he was an arsehole more than anything.

 
SkepticX
 
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SkepticX
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26 October 2012 18:17
 

Women certainly aren’t beyond the ol’ “God told me we were supposed to be together” kinda buelshite either, but it does seem their manipulation tactics are usually less aggressive.

 
 
BigNose
 
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BigNose
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26 October 2012 18:24
 

I’d have written this down on a napkin and passed it to Betty:

Tell him it’s best if HE leaves the house and begs his god’s forgiveness for forcing his personal problems onto you.
Best of luck in your future endeavours,
BigNose,
Call me. 07501 redacted  XO XO

“All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing” is a great coverall for my potentially inappropriate behaviour.

 
burt
 
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burt
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26 October 2012 21:51
 

My thought was that this guy is controlled by fear induced by some fundamentalism or other, and he was quite sincere in his approach (Betty seemed to think so), just stupidly projection his problems onto her. It’s quite painful to even attempt to empathize with the sort of cave he’s stuck in but it gave me an Ah Ha insight into the Muslim attitude about hiding women away. (Does anybody recall Sami and his fixed belief that if women were allowed go go about the streets in normal clothing then men would be unable to control themselves and would die of AIDS?)

 
GAD
 
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GAD
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27 October 2012 05:59
 

She should have told him not to blame her for his failures of faith.

 
 
MARTIN_UK
 
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MARTIN_UK
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27 October 2012 06:05
 
burt - 26 October 2012 07:51 PM

My thought was that this guy is controlled by fear induced by some fundamentalism or other, and he was quite sincere in his approach (Betty seemed to think so), just stupidly projection his problems onto her. It’s quite painful to even attempt to empathize with the sort of cave he’s stuck in but it gave me an Ah Ha insight into the Muslim attitude about hiding women away. (Does anybody recall Sami and his fixed belief that if women were allowed go go about the streets in normal clothing then men would be unable to control themselves and would die of AIDS?)

I remember Sami well, he felt if a woman was allowed to wear western clothing, then men would be grabbing them in the streets in some wild sexual frenzy, he also believed all women in the west walked around in bikinis spreading disease, quite bazaar in fact.

I think we could be looking at several possible scenarios in the coffee shop Burt, which ever it is and whatever influences this guy’s need to control Betty, seems to be pinned, to some degree, on how much she takes him seriously, I hope she was a strong person.

 
Brick Bungalow
 
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Brick Bungalow
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27 October 2012 06:51
 

Its less a reflection on religion, I think, and more just a reminder of what we all know about the libidos of young men. I know atheist girls who are fairly easy if you can quote them some Foucault.

 
hannahtoo
 
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hannahtoo
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27 October 2012 14:33
 

Then he said that I should leave the house, either that or we should be very close friends and spend lots of time together, because it was an awkward situation and my presence was keeping him from focusing on God.

Yep, it’s hard to be around someone you’re extremely attracted to, who doesn’t feel the same way.  Welcome to life. 

“...we should be very close friends…”  He is so young.

Maybe she should have suggested he pray to God for help understanding the situation.  Or he should take responsibility and move out.  Chances are he will come across another situation in his life where he is very drawn to an inappropriate liaison, at work, amongst neighbors, even in his church.  This is a learning experience.

 
SkepticX
 
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27 October 2012 15:08
 
Brick Bungalow - 27 October 2012 04:51 AM

Its less a reflection on religion, I think, and more just a reminder of what we all know about the libidos of young men. I know atheist girls who are fairly easy if you can quote them some Foucault.


I agree, but it does say something significant about religion it’s so easily used for such purposes, both when men or women use it so.

 
 
MARTIN_UK
 
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MARTIN_UK
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27 October 2012 15:09
 
Hannah2 - 27 October 2012 12:33 PM

Then he said that I should leave the house, either that or we should be very close friends and spend lots of time together, because it was an awkward situation and my presence was keeping him from focusing on God.

Yep, it’s hard to be around someone you’re extremely attracted to, who doesn’t feel the same way.  Welcome to life. 

“...we should be very close friends…”  He is so young.

Maybe she should have suggested he pray to God for help understanding the situation.  Or he should take responsibility and move out.  Chances are he will come across another situation in his life where he is very drawn to an inappropriate liaison, at work, amongst neighbors, even in his church.  This is a learning experience.

I wonder if he would benefit from speaking to 0username0 Hannah, he has some alternative ideas about sexual selection that I’m sure coffee shop bloke would leap at… smile

 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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01 November 2012 17:30
 

burt, you need to give that story to profs in the philosophy and psychology depts.  There is so much wrong in the story - selfishness, projecting one’s problems on innocents and making the innocents pay for the solution, how not to handle frustration, and using religion as an excuse for starters.

I’ve actually told a manager I won’t work with that hot woman on a project because I’ll be too distracted.  She and I became friends because of the bluntness but I really wouldn’t work with her.

 
burt
 
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burt
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01 November 2012 19:53
 
Skipshot - 01 November 2012 04:30 PM

burt, you need to give that story to profs in the philosophy and psychology depts.  There is so much wrong in the story - selfishness, projecting one’s problems on innocents and making the innocents pay for the solution, how not to handle frustration, and using religion as an excuse for starters.

I’ve actually told a manager I won’t work with that hot woman on a project because I’ll be too distracted.  She and I became friends because of the bluntness but I really wouldn’t work with her.

You need some alchemical work - transmit the lust into energy for performance at work and your wife will appreciate you at home.  wink

 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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01 November 2012 22:32
 
burt - 01 November 2012 06:53 PM
Skipshot - 01 November 2012 04:30 PM

I’ve actually told a manager I won’t work with that hot woman on a project because I’ll be too distracted.  She and I became friends because of the bluntness but I really wouldn’t work with her.

You need some alchemical work - transmit the lust into energy for performance at work and your wife will appreciate you at home.  wink

I didn’t see that coming.  Uhhh. . .  this happened before I was married and my chi was still strong.

 
cunjevoi
 
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cunjevoi
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09 November 2012 22:20
 

‘Zealous’, ‘psycho’, ‘fuckwit’ or ‘jerk’ - on a triple word score!

 
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