Call for help!

 
jdrnd
 
Avatar
 
 
jdrnd
Total Posts:  5899
Joined  25-08-2009
 
 
 
26 November 2016 08:22
 

My 21 year old son has been kidnapped.
 
He is currently incarcerated by the Vatican in a Muslim brothel in the basement of the headquarters of the Scientology Church in Clearwater Florida. 
They are demanding 12 tons of assorted, mini Swedish Fish (but no green ones). 

As you can imagine, it’s been a nightmare trying to collect 24,000 pounds of this particular type of candy, never mind picking out the green ones. 

I hate to ask you, but if you can spare a few we would be grateful (please don’t send green); and they have to be the mini’s.

 
Jan_CAN
 
Avatar
 
 
Jan_CAN
Total Posts:  2541
Joined  21-10-2016
 
 
 
26 November 2016 09:57
 
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 08:22 AM

My 21 year old son has been kidnapped.
 
He is currently incarcerated by the Vatican in a Muslim brothel in the basement of the headquarters of the Scientology Church in Clearwater Florida. 
They are demanding 12 tons of assorted, mini Swedish Fish (but no green ones). 

As you can imagine, it’s been a nightmare trying to collect 24,000 pounds of this particular type of candy, never mind picking out the green ones. 

I hate to ask you, but if you can spare a few we would be grateful (please don’t send green); and they have to be the mini’s.

Dear Sir,

Our sympathies for your current situation.

Our company just happens to have your requirements in stock.  Due to your predicament, we could let you have our full inventory at cost, with a minimum extra charge for picking out the green ones (extra labour costs, you understand).  We accept all major credit cards.

Sincerely yours,

I.M. Profiteer, C.E.O.
Fishy Distributors Inc.

 

 
 
jdrnd
 
Avatar
 
 
jdrnd
Total Posts:  5899
Joined  25-08-2009
 
 
 
26 November 2016 10:58
 
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 09:57 AM

We accept all major credit cards.

Sincerely yours,

I.M. Profiteer, C.E.O.
Fishy Distributors Inc.

Do you accept bitcoins?

 
Jan_CAN
 
Avatar
 
 
Jan_CAN
Total Posts:  2541
Joined  21-10-2016
 
 
 
26 November 2016 11:39
 
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 10:58 AM
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 09:57 AM

We accept all major credit cards.

Sincerely yours,

I.M. Profiteer, C.E.O.
Fishy Distributors Inc.

Do you accept bitcoins?

No - we want your credit card number.  Once received, your shipment will be sent forthwith.
(Trying to think of something funnier, but I got nothin’ ... sorry.)

 

[ Edited: 26 November 2016 12:00 by Jan_CAN]
 
 
Cheshire Cat
 
Avatar
 
 
Cheshire Cat
Total Posts:  1023
Joined  01-11-2014
 
 
 
26 November 2016 14:49
 

Are you absolutely positive you want him back?

Scientology might do him some good.

 
 
jdrnd
 
Avatar
 
 
jdrnd
Total Posts:  5899
Joined  25-08-2009
 
 
 
26 November 2016 16:44
 
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 11:39 AM

...your shipment will be sent forthwith.

Do you have free delivery?

 
jdrnd
 
Avatar
 
 
jdrnd
Total Posts:  5899
Joined  25-08-2009
 
 
 
26 November 2016 16:45
 
Sarcastic Fringehead - 26 November 2016 02:49 PM

Scientology might do him some good.

and he’s probably enjoying the Muslim brothel

 
Jan_CAN
 
Avatar
 
 
Jan_CAN
Total Posts:  2541
Joined  21-10-2016
 
 
 
26 November 2016 17:04
 
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 04:44 PM
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 11:39 AM

...your shipment will be sent forthwith.

Do you have free delivery?

Yes, but the ‘handling’ fee is a whopper.
(Because we don’t actually ship anything.)

 
 
jdrnd
 
Avatar
 
 
jdrnd
Total Posts:  5899
Joined  25-08-2009
 
 
 
26 November 2016 17:46
 
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 05:04 PM
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 04:44 PM
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 11:39 AM

...your shipment will be sent forthwith.

Do you have free delivery?

Yes, but the ‘handling’ fee is a whopper.
Because we don’t actually ship anything

I think I want to buy stock in your company, I see how that shipping method can save your company money

 
Jan_CAN
 
Avatar
 
 
Jan_CAN
Total Posts:  2541
Joined  21-10-2016
 
 
 
26 November 2016 18:34
 
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 05:46 PM
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 05:04 PM
jdrnd - 26 November 2016 04:44 PM
Jan_CAN - 26 November 2016 11:39 AM

...your shipment will be sent forthwith.

Do you have free delivery?

Yes, but the ‘handling’ fee is a whopper.
Because we don’t actually ship anything.

I think I want to buy stock in your company, I see how that shipping method can save your company money

Yes, you can buy stock in our company; you’re our kind of stockholder.
Good decision – leave the young whippersnapper in the brothel and use the capital for investment in our pure-profit company.