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I Can Bend Spoons With My Mind

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 January 2017 06:24
 
Jefe - 30 January 2017 05:04 PM

There is no spoon.

I can’t sell necklaces of no spoons, dummy,

Well, except for naive Zen Buddhists.  They’ re the only folks who will “get” the concept of bending spoons that do not exist. “Concept” is the wrong word, isn’t it?.  The aspirant must get beyond concepts. Therefore, please replace the word “concept” with the word TRUTH . Bending imaginary spoons is an EXCELLENT strategy, though.  I mean, that “one hand clapping” truth is getting old. 

Problem: There are NO naive Zen Buddhists in the area in which I live.  If there are, I don’t know where to find them.  If I find out where they gather , then I won’t be able to sell my wares because it costs A LOT to be a naive Zen Buddhist on Long Island and I won’t be able to finance the operation.

If I somehow manage to find a low-cost Ashram, I’m not going to give you a percentage of the profits. 

You see, there is no money because there are no spoons.


I will practice on making the spoons the spoons vanish, I will go to collect $1,000,000 from the amazing Randi.

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 January 2017 06:35
 
Jan_CAN - 30 January 2017 06:05 PM
saralynn - 30 January 2017 12:32 PM

If anyone has spoons that have an image engraved on them that brings to mind a crown of thorns, I am willing to make a deal.

What about apostle spoons?

Those spoons are PERFECT.  Somehow I shall have to get them mass produced. 

On the other hand, Christians might get miffed if I start bending the Apostles.  Not wise to alienate Christians because they tend toward violence. Also, there might be the “witch” accusation, which can’t benefit me in any way,. But, hey,  I might try to seek out some for Satanists.  Unfortunately, they congregate during the “witching hour”  and I am one of those old ladies who can’t drive at night.

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 January 2017 06:40
 
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 05:18 PM
saralynn - 30 January 2017 05:04 PM
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 04:58 PM

I’m unclear as to what is going on.

In what sense?  Puzzled how I can bend spoons?  As I said…self hypnosis, I assume

Wait, did you really see yourself bend a spoon?

I know what you’re doing.  You are trying to arouse doubt.  You are an unbeliever.  No, except for my hands, I can’t see “myself” bending spoons.  I can only see my hands and the hordes of people knocking on my door with spoons in their hands.

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 January 2017 06:43
 
NL. - 30 January 2017 07:57 PM
saralynn - 30 January 2017 09:51 AM

It basically involves focusing your full attention on the spoon until you become “one” with it.


Wait, isn’t that dangerous territory though? How do you know that you’ve successfully decoupled from the spoon later on? Do you suddenly crave activities like full body scooping up milk and cereal? At random intervals, do you just go “Wow, I feel the need to immerse myself in soup or pudding or something now”? What happens when you pass Jello cups in the grocery store? It sounds like a complicated life.


Either way, I will look forward to the Etsy store. I would be honored to be your first annoying customer and convo you with “Ok, but this is for my cousin’s birthday party, so can you just bend it into her initials and also make it purple and add a whimsical woodland creature with your mind too? What do you mean that’s three dollars extra. Three dollars?! Could I talk you down to one and a half for lavender? That’s only like half purple so it should be half price, right?”

I will give you a discount if you grovel.

 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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31 January 2017 07:12
 
saralynn - 31 January 2017 06:40 AM
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 05:18 PM
saralynn - 30 January 2017 05:04 PM
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 04:58 PM

I’m unclear as to what is going on.

In what sense?  Puzzled how I can bend spoons?  As I said…self hypnosis, I assume

Wait, did you really see yourself bend a spoon?

I know what you’re doing.  You are trying to arouse doubt.  You are an unbeliever.  No, except for my hands, I can’t see “myself” bending spoons.  I can only see my hands and the hordes of people knocking on my door with spoons in their hands.

Yeah but I’m not an unbeliever in hypnosis. I once had a professor put me under so deep that I had what felt like a twenty minute conversation with my grandfather.

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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31 January 2017 07:46
 
saralynn - 31 January 2017 06:24 AM

Problem: There are NO naive Zen Buddhists in the area in which I live.  If there are, I don’t know where to find them.

They are busy walking in the spaces between raindrops.

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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31 January 2017 07:47
 
Jb8989 - 31 January 2017 07:12 AM

Yeah but I’m not an unbeliever in hypnosis. I once had a professor put me under so deep that I had what felt like a twenty minute conversation with my grandfather.

That was me you were talking to, and some of the shit you said is unprintable.

 
 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 January 2017 08:31
 
Jb8989 - 31 January 2017 07:12 AM
saralynn - 31 January 2017 06:40 AM
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 05:18 PM
saralynn - 30 January 2017 05:04 PM
Jb8989 - 30 January 2017 04:58 PM

I’m unclear as to what is going on.

In what sense?  Puzzled how I can bend spoons?  As I said…self hypnosis, I assume

Wait, did you really see yourself bend a spoon?

I know what you’re doing.  You are trying to arouse doubt.  You are an unbeliever.  No, except for my hands, I can’t see “myself” bending spoons.  I can only see my hands and the hordes of people knocking on my door with spoons in their hands.

Yeah but I’m not an unbeliever in hypnosis. I once had a professor put me under so deep that I had what felt like a twenty minute conversation with my grandfather.

I went to 3 hypnotists for chronic insomnia.  None of them could hypnotize me.  I think it was because I can’t concentrate.  They’d be doing their thing and then I started pondering if they could hypnotize chicks to have more intense orgasms or whether the hypnotist was embarrassed about his big nose or that I would feel badly for him if he couldn’t hypnotize me or hey, I’m spending $30.00 to have this moron drone on and on about me relaxing when my problem is that I can’t relax. 

After I failed to go under, I apologized and went home and smoked pot.

 
EN
 
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EN
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31 January 2017 10:35
 

Hypnosis is worse than religion. I’ve seen them convince people of 5 false things before breakfast.  Or maybe they were just Alt-Facts.

 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
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31 January 2017 11:19
 
saralynn - 31 January 2017 08:31 AM

. . . I’m spending $30.00 to have this moron drone on and on about me relaxing when my problem is that I can’t relax. 

After I failed to go under, I apologized and went home and smoked pot.

These days in Northern California, $30 will get you an eighth-ounce of buds that will put you right to sleep every night for two full months. No droning on needed!

 
 
sojourner
 
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sojourner
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31 January 2017 19:01
 
saralynn - 31 January 2017 06:43 AM

I will give you a discount if you grovel.


Damn. Underneath it all, I am too staunchly bourgeoisie to really enact the extremes of flattery or groveling in any kind of believable way. I will have to return to my usual strategy of buying artsy goods from eastern European Etsy-ers, who are a surprisingly artistic people and still charge less for whimsical doodads even when you add in international shipping (American Etsy stores are fine for paper and fabric products, but the moment wood or metal is introduced, it’s like “I am an arteest. You will now pay $500 for my exquisitely adequate Pier 1 knockoff.”)


Seriously, though, I honestly can’t tell if this entire thread is just for fun or if you’re being serious. Are you really doing spoon bending these days?

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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31 January 2017 19:15
 
NL. - 31 January 2017 07:01 PM
saralynn - 31 January 2017 06:43 AM

I will give you a discount if you grovel.


Damn. Underneath it all, I am too staunchly bourgeoisie to really enact the extremes of flattery or groveling in any kind of believable way. I will have to return to my usual strategy of buying artsy goods from eastern European Etsy-ers, who are a surprisingly artistic people and still charge less for whimsical doodads even when you add in international shipping (American Etsy stores are fine for paper and fabric products, but the moment wood or metal is introduced, it’s like “I am an arteest. You will now pay $500 for my exquisitely adequate Pier 1 knockoff.”)

Seriously, though, I honestly can’t tell if this entire thread is just for fun or if you’re being serious. Are you really doing spoon bending these days?

I’m 99.9% sure this entire thread is for fun, but I don’t think she’ll admit it isn’t serious - that’s part of the fun (and she’s very funny).

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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31 January 2017 20:49
 

Saralynn,

Who is that a picture of in your avatar?

 
 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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01 February 2017 05:52
 

Jan & NL,  I REALLY can bend spoons with my mind in the way I have described!  How, in Latin, does one say,  “No shit!” 

I am pathetic, but not sooooo pathetic that I would make this up on an Internet Forum just to get attention.  Maybe when I was 16, but not now.  Okay, maybe when I was 46

I am amazing myself.  First I started with teaspoons.  Then I progressed to soup spoons.  Now I am working on serving spoons.  I can also bend forks, but am able to “become one” with spoons more easily.  I think forks are vaguely masculine and my sexual impulses distract me.  Spoons are very maternal.  I cuddle with them in my mind.  IOW, I “spoon” with them.  If you are alarmed, I imagine myself embracing the spoon and not the spoon embracing me.

Okay, the last part of the above paragraph is a joke.  In reality, I just sort of merge with the spoon in my mind. Tat Tvam Asi

What is of interest is that some days I am unable to bend a spoon, but the next day I can do it easily.

As, I said, I think it must have something to do with self-hypnosis;, however, when I am fanciful, I imagine the chi surging around in my body and into my hands. If that doesn’t work, then I imagine chai surging around in my body and into my hands

I have no idea who that guy is in my avatar.  One day, when I was trying to insert a really cool image of a sunrise or tulip or blue phlegm,  this guy’s picture appeared on the page.

Now that I am a theist, I thought it might be an image of Jesus or an angel.  Or, being a Jewish-Sufi-Quaker-Hindu-Cathoic-Oprah Winfreyist, maybe it was a picture of a saint.  I prayed he wasn’t a demon.

Maybe he is the child I never had. If so, I am glad because he looks like a Republican and my heart would be broken. unless, of course, he was a rich Republican, in which case, I wouldn’t be trying to exploit my spoon bending ability for financial gain.

BTW, Obviously, I only use stainless steel utensils and I test them to make sure that I can’t bend them before I go into my mini-trance.  Then I do my focusing thing, and zip…I can bend them.  If you decide to try it, don’t use your thumbs as a lever because that, in the spoon bending biz, is considered cheating.

 

 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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01 February 2017 12:49
 
saralynn - 01 February 2017 05:52 AM

Jan & NL,  I REALLY can bend spoons with my mind in the way I have described!  How, in Latin, does one say,  “No shit!” 

I am pathetic, but not sooooo pathetic that I would make this up on an Internet Forum just to get attention.  Maybe when I was 16, but not now.  Okay, maybe when I was 46

I am amazing myself.  First I started with teaspoons.  Then I progressed to soup spoons.  Now I am working on serving spoons.  I can also bend forks, but am able to “become one” with spoons more easily.  I think forks are vaguely masculine and my sexual impulses distract me.  Spoons are very maternal.  I cuddle with them in my mind.  IOW, I “spoon” with them.  If you are alarmed, I imagine myself embracing the spoon and not the spoon embracing me.

Okay, the last part of the above paragraph is a joke.  In reality, I just sort of merge with the spoon in my mind. Tat Tvam Asi

What is of interest is that some days I am unable to bend a spoon, but the next day I can do it easily.

As, I said, I think it must have something to do with self-hypnosis;, however, when I am fanciful, I imagine the chi surging around in my body and into my hands. If that doesn’t work, then I imagine chai surging around in my body and into my hands

I have no idea who that guy is in my avatar.  One day, when I was trying to insert a really cool image of a sunrise or tulip or blue phlegm,  this guy’s picture appeared on the page.

Now that I am a theist, I thought it might be an image of Jesus or an angel.  Or, being a Jewish-Sufi-Quaker-Hindu-Cathoic-Oprah Winfreyist, maybe it was a picture of a saint.  I prayed he wasn’t a demon.

Maybe he is the child I never had. If so, I am glad because he looks like a Republican and my heart would be broken. unless, of course, he was a rich Republican, in which case, I wouldn’t be trying to exploit my spoon bending ability for financial gain.

BTW, Obviously, I only use stainless steel utensils and I test them to make sure that I can’t bend them before I go into my mini-trance.  Then I do my focusing thing, and zip…I can bend them.  If you decide to try it, don’t use your thumbs as a lever because that, in the spoon bending biz, is considered cheating.

 

I need you to know that I support all of this. I don’t think that I laughed that hard in a while. And I really want to bend spoons with my mind now. Alas I don’t think that I can. Expressly or impliedly.

 
 
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