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What turns people on?

 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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06 December 2018 11:06
 
nonverbal - 06 December 2018 10:56 AM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 10:52 AM

Interesting.  I (the only woman) posted what I think was an okay response to what seemed like a somewhat serious OP and get no feedback.  Whereas the guys ..... hmm.

Kind of a turn-off.

C’mon now, Jan. By now I would hope you know that silence from me translates to agreement? After all, commenting on perfection only indicates wasted breath or worse! What are you wearing right now, by the way?

Haha ... nice save, nv.  (My usual online attire – a black lace teddy.)

 
 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
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06 December 2018 11:14
 
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 11:06 AM
nonverbal - 06 December 2018 10:56 AM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 10:52 AM

Interesting.  I (the only woman) posted what I think was an okay response to what seemed like a somewhat serious OP and get no feedback.  Whereas the guys ..... hmm.

Kind of a turn-off.

C’mon now, Jan. By now I would hope you know that silence from me translates to agreement? After all, commenting on perfection only indicates wasted breath or worse! What are you wearing right now, by the way?

Haha ... nice save, nv.  (My usual online attire – a black lace teddy.)

Hmmm. . . I’ll keep that in mind for future . . . never mind!

Also, notice that I have no response to Bruce’s post, as I agree with him. (Sorry, Bruce.)

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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06 December 2018 11:20
 
EN - 06 December 2018 11:01 AM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 08:50 AM

Interesting topic.  nv, I think your list of positives is right-on.

I tend to lump together many of the listed positives as being ‘charming’ – not the phoney kind, but the old-fashioned meaning of someone who is pleasant, polite, friendly, and likable.

I think that, in general, men are somewhat more affected by physical appearance, at least initially.  Which is one reason why women’s self-worth has more often been tied up with their appearance.  We’d probably need an anthropologist to properly explain why this is so.  In addition, there are some people of both genders who are perhaps more superficial than others; I suspect some are affected by societal influences on who they should be attracted to instead of heeding their own instincts and preferences.

From my perspective, it is a turn-on when it is clear that a man actually likes women, not just sexually, e.g. sustained eye contact when listening to what you have to say, etc.  And top on my list is a sense of humour, which is also an indication of self-confidence and other attributes.

In general, whether looking for a little nooky or a long-term relationship, I think it is preferable to put less effort into trying to impress and more into being real.

Physical appearance is what starts a man’s interest, but after that he is interested in the total package.  A woman who is easy to get along with starts looking better physically.  A beautiful woman who is difficult ibecomes less attractive.  Physical appearance is the door, but there is a lot more after that.

Not so very different for women, I think. 
(Some of us have a particular fondness for bald, near-sighted Texans.)

 

 
 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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06 December 2018 11:22
 

Smile, teeth, eyes, skin, hair, symmetry, figure, and flow.

I’m pretty sure that goes for all of you, too. But since attraction is a matter of limited options, I imagine that we’ve evolved to value the intangibles higher than our sexual instincts are wired. IMO personality is an after effect when it comes to attraction. Courting and compatibility are different beasts of a social nature.

[ Edited: 06 December 2018 11:25 by Jb8989]
 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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06 December 2018 11:25
 
Brick Bungalow - 06 December 2018 11:06 AM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 08:50 AM

Interesting topic.  nv, I think your list of positives is right-on.

I tend to lump together many of the listed positives as being ‘charming’ – not the phoney kind, but the old-fashioned meaning of someone who is pleasant, polite, friendly, and likable.

I think that, in general, men are somewhat more affected by physical appearance, at least initially.  Which is one reason why women’s self-worth has more often been tied up with their appearance.  We’d probably need an anthropologist to properly explain why this is so.  In addition, there are some people of both genders who are perhaps more superficial than others; I suspect some are affected by societal influences on who they should be attracted to instead of heeding their own instincts and preferences.

From my perspective, it is a turn-on when it is clear that a man actually likes women, not just sexually, e.g. sustained eye contact when listening to what you have to say, etc.  And top on my list is a sense of humour, which is also an indication of self-confidence and other attributes.

In general, whether looking for a little nooky or a long-term relationship, I think it is preferable to put less effort into trying to impress and more into being real.

Authenticity for sure. But it’s a hard thing to gauge. I think we are very good at faking realness. Particularly men.

Yes, it is hard to gauge.  I think perhaps that (some) women are a little better at detecting fakeness (more intuitive)?

 
 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
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06 December 2018 11:26
 
Jb8989 - 06 December 2018 11:22 AM

Smile, teeth, eyes, skin, hair, symmetry, figure, and flow.

I’m pretty sure that goes for all of you, too. But since attraction is a matter of limited options, I imagine that we’ve evolved to value the intangibles higher than our sexual instincts are wired. IMO personality if an after effect when it comes to attraction. Courting and compatibility are different social beasts.

Are you commenting on immediate reaction only, like for a one-night stand?

 
 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
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06 December 2018 11:45
 
Jb8989 - 06 December 2018 11:22 AM

Smile, teeth, eyes, skin, hair, symmetry, figure, and flow.

I’m pretty sure that goes for all of you, too. But since attraction is a matter of limited options, I imagine that we’ve evolved to value the intangibles higher than our sexual instincts are wired. IMO personality is an after effect when it comes to attraction. Courting and compatibility are different beasts of a social nature.

Are you assuming that non-human animals lack personality?

 
 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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06 December 2018 12:11
 
nonverbal - 06 December 2018 11:26 AM
Jb8989 - 06 December 2018 11:22 AM

Smile, teeth, eyes, skin, hair, symmetry, figure, and flow.

I’m pretty sure that goes for all of you, too. But since attraction is a matter of limited options, I imagine that we’ve evolved to value the intangibles higher than our sexual instincts are wired. IMO personality if an after effect when it comes to attraction. Courting and compatibility are different social beasts.

Are you commenting on immediate reaction only, like for a one-night stand?

I think it’s initial, I also think it’s what sustains attraction. I think personality can contribute to attraction but it’s main purpose is for relationship compatibility and maintenance.

 
 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
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06 December 2018 12:19
 
nonverbal - 06 December 2018 11:45 AM
Jb8989 - 06 December 2018 11:22 AM

Smile, teeth, eyes, skin, hair, symmetry, figure, and flow.

I’m pretty sure that goes for all of you, too. But since attraction is a matter of limited options, I imagine that we’ve evolved to value the intangibles higher than our sexual instincts are wired. IMO personality is an after effect when it comes to attraction. Courting and compatibility are different beasts of a social nature.

Are you assuming that non-human animals lack personality?

No I’m saying that it may contribute to attraction but only after all the physical stuff registers as a foreseeable option or not. And then it can make someone sexier or less sexy. And then if you choose to mate, personality in regard to attraction is just a hopeless bolster.

It’s hard work being sexually attracted to one person for a real long time. Actual easy access to sexy sex would see a lot of cheaters come out of the wood works. But since it’s not a real option, we settle for conversation, humor and quarks.

Sex appeal is a type of body language that’s somewhere in between. It’s personality but in a lot of ways it’s just confidence in your skin. That’s sexy.

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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06 December 2018 14:11
 

Just thought of a difference I’ve noticed between men and women.  I’ve a theory that males are most sexually attracted to twenty-something women for their entire lives – from puberty to death.  Whereas many women’s tastes change as they get older.  Personally, now that I’m ‘mature’, men in their twenties seem more like boys and I want a man.

 
 
Cheshire Cat
 
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Cheshire Cat
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06 December 2018 14:26
 

I was reading this article yesterday entitled: “Here are 10 psychological findings that reveal the dark side of human nature”

One of the points relates to this OP:

We are sexually attracted to people with dark personality traits. Not only do we elect people with psychopathic traits to become our leaders, evidence suggests that men and women are sexually attracted, at least in the short term, to people displaying the so-called ‘dark triad’ of traits – narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism – thus risking further propagating these traits. One study found that a man’s physical attractiveness to women was increased when he was described as self-interested, manipulative and insensitive. One theory is that the dark traits successfully communicate ‘mate quality’ in terms of confidence and the willingness to take risks. Does this matter for the future of our species? Perhaps it does – another paper, from 2016, found that those women who were more strongly attracted to narcissistic men’s faces tended to have more children.

I guess this might explain why women can go for “bad boys.”

The flip side of this for men would be an attraction to neurotic or borderline crazy females, but only if they are pretty. I’ve had a few of those when I was a young man. These women are unpredictable, exasperating, exciting and, (how do I say this delicately?), great in bed. Although this sort of woman can be fun for a while, eventually they will make you nuts and ruin your peace of mind.

https://tinyurl.com/y9q46o8e

 
 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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06 December 2018 17:12
 

What is two inches wide and seven inches long and drives women wild?

Cash!

 
Brick Bungalow
 
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Brick Bungalow
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06 December 2018 17:33
 
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 11:25 AM
Brick Bungalow - 06 December 2018 11:06 AM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 08:50 AM

Interesting topic.  nv, I think your list of positives is right-on.

I tend to lump together many of the listed positives as being ‘charming’ – not the phoney kind, but the old-fashioned meaning of someone who is pleasant, polite, friendly, and likable.

I think that, in general, men are somewhat more affected by physical appearance, at least initially.  Which is one reason why women’s self-worth has more often been tied up with their appearance.  We’d probably need an anthropologist to properly explain why this is so.  In addition, there are some people of both genders who are perhaps more superficial than others; I suspect some are affected by societal influences on who they should be attracted to instead of heeding their own instincts and preferences.

From my perspective, it is a turn-on when it is clear that a man actually likes women, not just sexually, e.g. sustained eye contact when listening to what you have to say, etc.  And top on my list is a sense of humour, which is also an indication of self-confidence and other attributes.

In general, whether looking for a little nooky or a long-term relationship, I think it is preferable to put less effort into trying to impress and more into being real.

Authenticity for sure. But it’s a hard thing to gauge. I think we are very good at faking realness. Particularly men.

Yes, it is hard to gauge.  I think perhaps that (some) women are a little better at detecting fakeness (more intuitive)?

I wonder… really, I have no idea… do you suppose authenticity as a personal attribute is even an intelligible quantity most of the time?

Certainly there are manifest frauds who lack this attribute but in general do you suppose that BEING authentic necessarily corresponds with being perceived as authentic? I strongly suspect that it does not. I think we (we meaning mostly me) are inclined to inject our own impressions and preferences with justifications about a person being this or that or the other…

 
GAD
 
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GAD
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06 December 2018 18:06
 
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 10:52 AM

Interesting.  I (the only woman) posted what I think was an okay response to what seemed like a somewhat serious OP and get no feedback.  Whereas the guys ..... hmm.

Kind of a turn-off.

Damn you love being the poor woman. I took your post as more PC then desire, being a poor woman you are afraid what people might think if you said what you really desired so you repress it…making you a poor woman…

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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06 December 2018 18:36
 
GAD - 06 December 2018 06:06 PM
Jan_CAN - 06 December 2018 10:52 AM

Interesting.  I (the only woman) posted what I think was an okay response to what seemed like a somewhat serious OP and get no feedback.  Whereas the guys ..... hmm.

Kind of a turn-off.

Damn you love being the poor woman. I took your post as more PC then desire, being a poor woman you are afraid what people might think if you said what you really desired so you repress it…making you a poor woman…

For your information, I am a formidable woman ... and you have no sense of humour.

 
 
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