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Saralynn Has a Christmas Miracle!

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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30 December 2018 18:51
 

Okay, it’s not a Christmas miracle because it occurred about 6 months ago, but it is still the bestest miracle of all miracles.  I mean, burning bushes, etc. are okay, but my miracle is more moderate and more reasonable.  Besides that, if I saw God as a burning bush and He started to talk to me, I would be on the phone with my shrink pronto.

I am wondering if I wrote about this miracle a few months ago, but it bears repeating because some members may have overlooked it and missed the opportunity to be thunderstruck.  Okay, mildly puzzled.

I have been visiting our local Catholic Church during the day because it is silent and empty and beautiful and it makes me feel holy.  The silhouette of a tree at sunset also makes me feel holy, but I can’t visit it anytime I want.

So, I go into the church on a daily basis and meditate and ponder for about a half hour or so.  I look at Jesus up there on the cross and I think about him and reflect about who He might have been prior to the evolution of the church as an institution and I have grown very fond of the human Jesus.  The God Jesus remains perplexing to me because I can only think of God in a cloudish sort of way, but I feel deeply for the human Jesus, even if he was, as I assume, not literally the only begotten son of God.

Here comes the miracle…

I have been a companion to a special needs adult for about ten years and I do her shopping, etc. One day, I had finished shopping and she was disappointed that I didn’t buy her favorite cereal…Special K with Red Berries.  I told her that I would pick up a box later in the day, but when the time came to do so, I absolutely did not want to trudge into the store and wait on line, etc.  At the same time, I felt guilty, as well as cranky.  I decided to go into the church which was close to the store and make an effort to put myself into a more positive frame of mind.  I walked in, sat down, and said hello to Jesus, then turned my head to look at the sun shining through a stained glass window and LO AND BEHOLD, there was a box of Special K with Red Berries sitting right there in the pew with me.

I mean, is that a cool miracle or what? 

When I tell people about my miracle, people are stunned.  Skeptics are stunned for about 30 seconds, then start looking at me suspiciously.  “Hmmmm…is she lying or hallucinating?  Gotta be one or the other.”

Who cares?  I love my miracle and hug it every day. 

I have to add one interesting aspect of this miracle story. When I retell it (which I have been doing obsessively) I have a strong desire to add a few details that add a literary touch to the plot.  For instance, I honestly can’t remember if I truly did turn my head to look at a stained glass window when I spotted the box of Special K with Red Berries next to me.  I think I did, but did I? I look at that window quite frequently, but I might have smushed it into the story. I really want it to be in the story, however. 

And thus, the Bible.  Stories retold over and over again by people who have faulty memories, vivid imaginations, or a point to make. 

Now, the Special K miracle really did happen, but I wonder if it were repeated thousands of times through history, details might get rearranged, added,or forgotten by good-willed people such as myself.  Like maybe the box was glowing or that I was praying and weeping over the plight of the mentally handicapped before I saw it. 

I don’t care.  I am grateful for my miracle and it REALLY DID HAPPEN and I was neither stoned nor drunk.  .

 

 

 

 
GAD
 
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GAD
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30 December 2018 19:44
 

I thought you were dead, so I guess two miracles, welcome back! I think the part you are missing is that you bought the Special K and left it there for yourself so you could have the miracle you needed so desperately that you went to an empty building everyday to stare and talk to a statue of a dead guy on the wall being tortured.

[ Edited: 31 December 2018 00:20 by GAD]
 
 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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30 December 2018 20:04
 

Hmmm…that is a possibility I hadn’t considered. 

I am not dead.  However, I have moved to Florida, so it is hard to tell.
Obviously, i am not living in the nifty part of Florida.  I am living in a maze of pastel houses that all look the same.  From the air, it looks like a crop circle. 
One thing I have learned thus far:  Don’t ask anyone, “How ya doin’?”  They tell you and it usually has something to do with decaying body parts.

 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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30 December 2018 21:26
 

Ask and you shall receive.

I don’t know if it was Jesus, Buddha, Allah, or Dionysius behind my miracle, but while driving across town on surface streets I hit all the lights green.

Another time I was driving from the San Francisco airport to Oakland at 5:00 PM on a regular Wednesday and for the first time in the previous 10 years and not to be repeated in the last 15 years, there was no/nada/zilch traffic on the freeway approach to the Bay Bridge.  I turned on the radio for a traffic report in case there was an emergency I missed and was driving towards a collapsed bridge, but even the reporter in the helicopter was flabbergasted that there was no traffic at that time of day in the first time in ever.

But the greatest miracle of all was I had all five lanes of I-405 South freeway in Long Beach, CA completely to myself for about two miles at 8:00 AM on a regular weekday morning.  There was an industrial accident at 3AM that morning and a construction crew building a new overpass dropped a massive steel beam across the width of the freeway and killed a poor driver passing under it, which shut down the freeway.  I calculated a possible re-routing using only a map (this was 1996/97) and Jesus/Buddha/Allah/Dionysius made it happen for me.  I used the opportunity to weave across all five lanes until traffic from on-ramps made it unsafe.

But those miracles pale compared to my two boys taking a shower of their own volition without my badgering them and before I could smell them.  That is almost as good as them putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher without me asking 50 times.

I’d say those miracles beat your box of cereal.  Not that this is a competition.

 
burt
 
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burt
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30 December 2018 21:42
 

Welcome back Saralynn, hope you hang around for a while. Only miracle I can report is existence.

 
GAD
 
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GAD
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31 December 2018 00:22
 
Skipshot - 30 December 2018 09:26 PM

But those miracles pale compared to my two boys taking a shower of their own volition without my badgering them and before I could smell them.  That is almost as good as them putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher without me asking 50 times.

That is a biggie! I have two boys, so I know.

 
 
MrRon
 
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MrRon
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31 December 2018 03:10
 

Wouldn’t the real miracle be to actually heal the poor woman, rather than producing cereal? Yet another dick move by God.

Ron

 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
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31 December 2018 05:42
 

Hello, saralynn. Congratulations on finally moving to Florida. Every true New Yorker eventually makes it there. I’ve even heard of a NY-to-Florida subway, though I’ve never seen it. I was still in my 30s when I left, so I probably just didn’t notice it on the MTA maps.

Please, saralynn, you’ve got to write a letter to the pope, complete with a full-strength dose of your unique narrative style! He won’t know what to make of it, but I’ll bet he’ll chuckle and possibly write back. If you write to the pope, be sure to mention that the box of Special K Red Berries you found in the church had absolutely no glass in it—a splendid miracle, for sure, if indeed it was glass-free:

In late February 2013, the company announced on its website that it was recalling three sizes of the Special K Red Berries in the US which might contain pieces of glass.[33]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_K

 

 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 December 2018 07:11
 
MrRon - 31 December 2018 03:10 AM

Wouldn’t the real miracle be to actually heal the poor woman, rather than producing cereal? Yet another dick move by God.

Ron

Then I would be out of a job, dummy.

 
hannahtoo
 
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hannahtoo
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31 December 2018 08:07
 

Consider it modern-day manna.

 
GAD
 
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GAD
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31 December 2018 09:22
 
saralynn - 31 December 2018 07:11 AM
MrRon - 31 December 2018 03:10 AM

Wouldn’t the real miracle be to actually heal the poor woman, rather than producing cereal? Yet another dick move by God.

Ron

Then I would be out of a job, dummy.

BAM!

 
 
unsmoked
 
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unsmoked
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31 December 2018 11:49
 

I’m wondering if the box of Special K never empties.  I have a box of Morton’s Iodized Salt like that.

 
 
GAD
 
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GAD
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31 December 2018 11:51
 
unsmoked - 31 December 2018 11:49 AM

I’m wondering if the box of Special K never empties.  I have a box of Morton’s Iodized Salt like that.


Shits getn reel now!

 

 
 
Cheshire Cat
 
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Cheshire Cat
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31 December 2018 16:53
 

Carl Jung would have called your cereal box on the pew incident a synchronicity.

Speaking of synchronicities, I was nosing around Nohj Morley’s website last week and I happened to read your story, “Hippie.” It was a fun and well-written story. You are a gifted writer Saralynn. I started to read your other story, “Saralynn’s Memorial for Lisa,” and I got to the part where you had your unexpected mystical experience, when I got interrupted and had to quit reading. I intend to finish reading it whenever I am able to get around to it.

After reading “Hippie,” I wondered what had happened to you. The last post I’d seen by you was one in Brother Mario’s thread and that was a while ago. And now — poof — here you are again.

 
 
saralynn
 
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saralynn
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31 December 2018 17:54
 
Cheshire Cat - 31 December 2018 04:53 PM

Carl Jung would have called your cereal box on the pew incident a synchronicity.

Speaking of synchronicities, I was nosing around Nohj Morley’s website last week and I happened to read your story, “Hippie.” It was a fun and well-written story. You are a gifted writer Saralynn. I started to read your other story, “Saralynn’s Memorial for Lisa,” and I got to the part where you had your unexpected mystical experience, when I got interrupted and had to quit reading. I intend to finish reading it whenever I am able to get around to it.

After reading “Hippie,” I wondered what had happened to you. The last post I’d seen by you was one in Brother Mario’s thread and that was a while ago. And now — poof — here you are again.

You do know that Jung was a trifle bizarre, no?  I like that quality, but he and Freud had a sibling-rivalry- emotionally-incestuous relationship and I couldn’t determine who was wackier.  My favorite story that Jung told about himself was about when he ( who, incidentally, was the son of a minister) was on a trek through the mountains he observed a lovely church and he stopped to admire its beauty.  Sunlight was streaming down upon it, etc.  Suddenly, in his mind’s eye, he saw a GIANT turd fall from the sky and land right on top of the building.  He was stunned and felt guilty, but then realized that it meant that nothing was too sacrosanct to be criticized. 

That Memorial I elivered has become a comedy in my mind because, as you may have noticed, I failed to mention the deceased until the second half.  Also, the crazy Fundamentalist minister took the microphone out of my hand and wouldn’t let me speak because it was mystical rather than religious in tone,  and. thus, sacrilegious.  Now if she had said, “You are a self-centered, narcissistic shit” , she would have made a reasonable decision, but her opposition to it was stupid.  My nephew told me that when I called Paul “Saint Paul”, he knew I was in trouble because, for some obscure reason, Fundies are very critical of Catholics. 

As for the Hippie piece.  Well, “those were the days, my friend, we thought they would never end”.  Actually, that’s not true because if have been obsessed with death ever since I hit the age of reason, but it was certainly a great time to be young and spirited.  The worst thing we had to worry about, aside from the Capitalist Establishment, dead soldiers and marijuana busts, was getting gonorrhea

 

 
hannahtoo
 
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hannahtoo
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01 January 2019 09:33
 

SL, you are a fun troll.  There should be a different term for fun trolls.  Any ideas?  Maybe “gremlin”?

 
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