Help Composing an Email

 
Jb8989
 
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Jb8989
Total Posts:  6220
Joined  31-01-2012
 
 
 
03 January 2019 09:46
 

So I’ve been coaching ten year old basketball just for shits on the side. I’m actually an assistant to an assistant helping out a coworker. Low and behold, I’m half way through the season and for a variety of reasons I gotta quit. There’s work conflicts and travel conflicts. But also, I really can’t stand the head coach, some of the parents and the oddly irrational politics between these hooligans. However, they love me and I kind of don’t mind them (despite them being oft-retarded). Keep in mind it’s fifth grade hoops, so it’s absolutely meaningless.

I want to initiate quitting via email, but I want to subtly convey their rediculosity, vaguely, possibly even in poem. I’m not ruling out some gibberish, maybe a qoute. Narcissism is encouraged but not required. I’ll also settle for total fuckitness. Can anyone distill that into a couple of lines for me but also make it confusingly cordial? You know I’m not the most creative writer. Please and thanks.

 
 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
Total Posts:  1549
Joined  31-10-2015
 
 
 
03 January 2019 11:24
 

You’re the master off that sort of thing, joby—don’t start getting sensitive on us. Throw a few lines together and no doubt someone will help you edit it. Also, the best editors only ask questions.

 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
Total Posts:  2915
Joined  21-10-2016
 
 
 
03 January 2019 11:26
 
Jb8989 - 03 January 2019 09:46 AM

So I’ve been coaching ten year old basketball just for shits on the side. I’m actually an assistant to an assistant helping out a coworker. Low and behold, I’m half way through the season and for a variety of reasons I gotta quit. There’s work conflicts and travel conflicts. But also, I really can’t stand the head coach, some of the parents and the oddly irrational politics between these hooligans. However, they love me and I kind of don’t mind them (despite them being oft-retarded). Keep in mind it’s fifth grade hoops, so it’s absolutely meaningless.

I want to initiate quitting via email, but I want to subtly convey their rediculosity, vaguely, possibly even in poem. I’m not ruling out some gibberish, maybe a qoute. Narcissism is encouraged but not required. I’ll also settle for total fuckitness. Can anyone distill that into a couple of lines for me but also make it confusingly cordial? You know I’m not the most creative writer. Please and thanks.

Dear Head Coach:

This message is to notify you of my intentions to resign from the assistant to the assistant coach position that I have held these past few months.  I wish to thank you personally, and the parents, for this opportunity as this has provided useful experience in dealing with the immature mind which should benefit me in my profession; I’ve also enjoyed working with the children.  However, I now find that I have better things to do with my time.

Yours sincerely,
Jb

 

 
 
nonverbal
 
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nonverbal
Total Posts:  1549
Joined  31-10-2015
 
 
 
03 January 2019 11:44
 
Jan_CAN - 03 January 2019 11:26 AM
Jb8989 - 03 January 2019 09:46 AM

So I’ve been coaching ten year old basketball just for shits on the side. I’m actually an assistant to an assistant helping out a coworker. Low and behold, I’m half way through the season and for a variety of reasons I gotta quit. There’s work conflicts and travel conflicts. But also, I really can’t stand the head coach, some of the parents and the oddly irrational politics between these hooligans. However, they love me and I kind of don’t mind them (despite them being oft-retarded). Keep in mind it’s fifth grade hoops, so it’s absolutely meaningless.

I want to initiate quitting via email, but I want to subtly convey their rediculosity, vaguely, possibly even in poem. I’m not ruling out some gibberish, maybe a qoute. Narcissism is encouraged but not required. I’ll also settle for total fuckitness. Can anyone distill that into a couple of lines for me but also make it confusingly cordial? You know I’m not the most creative writer. Please and thanks.

Dear Head Coach:

This message is to notify you of my intentions to resign from the assistant to the assistant coach position that I have held these past few months.  I wish to thank you personally, and the parents, for this opportunity as this has provided useful experience in dealing with the immature mind which should benefit me in my profession; I’ve also enjoyed working with the children.  However, I now find that I have better things to do with my time.

Yours sincerely,
Jb

Nice!

 
 
Cheshire Cat
 
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Cheshire Cat
Total Posts:  1182
Joined  01-11-2014
 
 
 
03 January 2019 13:32
 

Dear Head Coach:

This message is to notify you of my intentions to resign from the assistant to the assistant coach position that I have held these past few months. 

I wish to thank you personally, and especially your comely and ever so friendly spouse. It’s been a real pleasure getting to know her. And you too, of course.

I would like the thank the parents for this opportunity as this has provided useful experience in dealing with their immature minds, which should benefit me in my profession. Studying this array of human neuroses close up has been of utmost value.

I’ve also enjoyed working with the children, in ways that I probably should not mention here for legal reasons. 

However, I now find that I have better things to do with my time. The rearranging of my sock drawer readily comes to mind.

Yours sincerely,
Jb

 
 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
Total Posts:  9324
Joined  20-10-2006
 
 
 
04 January 2019 08:07
 

This is a sample resignation letter I have been keeping for just such a situation.  Modify it accordingly.  You’re welcome.

>  This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company.
>  I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a
>  bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills. I am looking
>  forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike
>  when I worked with you assholes.

>  My last day of work will be when you realise I came in late last night
>  and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies that I requested
>  and received last week. Hopefully your dumb ass can figure out all the
>  shit I left undone for the new clients as well as the ongoing projects I
>  never completed. Once the company figures out that you don’t know a damn
>  thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well.

>  Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on
>  the street, unless you want your ass kicked. My experience with this
>  fucking company has been very unrewarding. I appreciate having had the
>  opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future. I wish
>  you and the organisation not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers

.