I’m hoping for a bit of insight into returning to an experience I had a few weeks ago while meditating.
I have been meditating for a couple of years now and have had a number of experiences over that time, I recently started using the waking up app and a few weeks back and I can’t recommend Sam’s scientific approach highly enough, his lessons are great in my opinion. Anyway while practicing I had this realization in awareness that there was nothing to go back too in my mind. Trying to explain this is really difficult but while concentrating on the breath, sound, itch whatever was arising, I noticed that I was waiting to return to a place once that sensation had finished, as if I was looking at the sensation from a “place” which I would return to once the object of concentration had passed, then from this place I would go/view the next sensation or thought that came up.
Once I noticed this center I was amazed what happened, although I know it sounds like nothing it was massive to actually fully be it, who was watching this itch? there was nothing, there was no boss to report back to label it and tell me what it was, there was nothing to go back too from whatever the object of concentration was. I was fully able to just experience whatever was happening, as there was nowhere else to go or be, just experience this now then the next, then the next, then the next. My mind wasn’t describing or labeling I wasn’t going towards anything, I was just watching and experiencing whatever was arising without effort, It was the first time I ever truly experienced no me fully and so hard to describe without sounding crazy or full of it.
Since then I’ve struggled to ‘get’ to it again, I’m probably reaching for it or wanting it subconsciously now, but don’t know how I glimpsed it but I know it’s the real deal,
almost like the real beginning of meditation, but I can’t recreate it.
Anybody else had this at all? I glimpsed something that I’m now chasing and excites, but I know the chase is what’s stopping me seeing it again?
You make sense to me. You stumbled upon “the way,” and the moment you seek it is the moment you lose it. As long as you seek it, you wil never find it. It will find you when your mind is empty. You did something right in your meditation, which was probably when you let go of controlling your thoughts.
The Japanese term kensho - first awakening - might apply here.
There are three stages in such experiences: 1) having the experience of a state; 2) learning how to get back to the state; 3) learning how to remain in the state. As seipshot says, though, the desire to return to the state is a barrier to returning. Better to just take such experiences as interesting phenomena that happen and continue the meditation practice.
It never occurred to me it’s desire, tricky old mind. I suppose due to me associating the feeling with meditation I gave it more validation.
A new object to be aware of. Thank you both for the feedback, really helped.
Hi Just Stardust,
I’m new to meditation as well, and I’m hesitant to give any advise or explanation of your experience. But thanks for sharing. I’m very interested in other people’s experience with the app. I think it’s great as well.