Distractions…

 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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18 February 2021 17:28
 

I’ve been posting a lot the past few days.  My mother, who is approaching 90, is sliding into senility fast.  I’ve been caring for her during this pandemic,while on leave from work.

It’s depressing and sad for us all, and, I’m sure, terrifying for her.  I can see this in her eyes as her memories and autonomy are being methodically wiped from her mind and her personality.

Thanks for the distraction.  A few adult ‘conversations’ go a long way after the third or fourth time she repeats a story or reminds us about an important moment from the past weeks.

This part of life ... Sucks.


PS - this is not an apology or an appeal for sympathy.  It is what it is.
(Tautology club ftw…)

[ Edited: 18 February 2021 17:32 by Jefe]
 
 
Jan_CAN
 
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Jan_CAN
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18 February 2021 22:14
 

Jefe, I know you’re not asking for sympathy, but you have mine anyway.

I know how tough this can be as we went through similar with our mother.  Normal conversation becomes a thing of the past, but can be replaced with a sort of cheerful small talk that’s not too taxing, communicating love with eye contact and smiles, body language and touch.  In most ways watching this happen was tragic and heartbreaking, but I also shared some very tender moments with my mother during this time.

Take care,
Jan

[ Edited: 19 February 2021 02:18 by Jan_CAN]
 
 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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18 February 2021 22:54
 

My condolences, Jefe.  The next beer is on me.

 
LadyJane
 
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LadyJane
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19 February 2021 07:22
 

That is rough.  This is a very strange time to be going through very strange times.  It’s often surreal.

I’m glad this place serves as a distraction.  I think that’s true for many folks here and maybe this thread can serve as its reminder that everyone goes through things so it’s important not to be a dick. 

Like those who impulsively bring things up but never take the time to look things up before they post.  I mean…would it kill you to read it over once or twice to see what it feels like to be the rest of us?  If yer angry don’t post.  Or type it out but don’t post.  Work on the content instead of the emotion, read it over, then maybe post.  If you don’t take time to polish don’t post.  If you haven’t the polish spit shine the piece.  You have options.

Anyway, awhile back Jefe inspired an idea that I never got around to posting.  The Sam Harris Forum “Golden Clipboard Award.”

Here’s why…

After watching Jefe year after year, post after post, locating and dispensing information other lazy thread authors couldn’t be bothered to collect, I would hear myself say: “Thanks Radar” and “Way to go Radar” and “Nicely done Radar” and “Good one Radar” and “Thanks again Radar” and “That moron isn’t listening and still has no idea what you mean but good effort Radar” and “I owe you Radar” and “Thanks for showing up when you did there Radar” and “I didn’t wanna have to deal with that arsehole and straighten out that trainwreck of a conversation Radar” and “Great perseverance Radar.”  “Yer a trooper.”

That helpful assistance and, what appears to be, infinite patience always makes me think of Radar O’Reilly.  It’s award worthy.

Then I worried you may never lose the imaginary trophy, become the Tom Brady of the forum, create a competitive level that causes even more conflict, inviting even more thoughtless clods who don’t check their work, threads would devolve into madness, forgoing the usual subject matter, mad dashes and pile ons would ensue and replace the once mild mannered and civil forum we’ve come to enjoy.

So I left it alone.

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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19 February 2021 08:19
 
LadyJane - 19 February 2021 07:22 AM

...and, what appears to be, infinite patience ...

This is not the first time I’ve been accused of ‘excess patience’.  I think it comes from the school of extra-hard-knocks.
I have a special needs sister, a few years older than me.  And growing up with her required the development of deep wells of patience and understanding - along with the ability to negotiate, teach, and clear up thought-processes that were different than mine.

Thanks for the kind words.  I hope to continue to be a positive contributor for a while longer…

 

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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19 February 2021 08:22
 

Thanks all, for the kindness and kind words.

We’ve been getting help and advice from the Alberta Alzheimer’s Society, and that has helped considerably.  The entire family is ‘consipiring’ by sharing memory blips and emotional outbursts with each other - not to denigrate Mom, but so that we all understand her state of being.  We want her to be as independent as possible for as long as possible, but she is requiring more and more help as the days pass.  Some hard decisions are coming up this year, I think, and it’s going to get a bit uncomfortable around the Jefe-family-table…

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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19 February 2021 08:22
 
Jan_CAN - 18 February 2021 10:14 PM

Jefe, I know you’re not asking for sympathy, but you have mine anyway.

I know how tough this can be as we went through similar with our mother.  Normal conversation becomes a thing of the past, but can be replaced with a sort of cheerful small talk that’s not too taxing, communicating love with eye contact and smiles, body language and touch.  In most ways watching this happen was tragic and heartbreaking, but I also shared some very tender moments with my mother during this time.

Take care,
Jan

Thanks for the offer, Jan.  I may just take you up on it.

 
 
burt
 
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burt
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19 February 2021 08:50
 
Jefe - 19 February 2021 08:22 AM
Jan_CAN - 18 February 2021 10:14 PM

Jefe, I know you’re not asking for sympathy, but you have mine anyway.

I know how tough this can be as we went through similar with our mother.  Normal conversation becomes a thing of the past, but can be replaced with a sort of cheerful small talk that’s not too taxing, communicating love with eye contact and smiles, body language and touch.  In most ways watching this happen was tragic and heartbreaking, but I also shared some very tender moments with my mother during this time.

Take care,
Jan

Thanks for the offer, Jan.  I may just take you up on it.

Jan’s comments reflect my own experience, too. During my mothers final years, sometimes it was enough to just sit and hold her hand. Best wishes for you.

 
MARTIN_UK
 
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MARTIN_UK
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19 February 2021 11:48
 

An experience I can sadly relate to and see most days.

Although in my experience it’s those who watch on and who are trying to do their best by their loved one who ultimately suffer the most, and the decision to access professional care when it arrives can be the best resolution bringing peace to the sufferer and their families.

 
Cheshire Cat
 
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Cheshire Cat
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19 February 2021 16:14
 

I have of late, but wherefore
I know not, lost all my mirth…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WnNL67PEKU

 
 
EN
 
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EN
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19 February 2021 16:49
 

I went through this with my father, who died at 92.  My mom died rapidly of cancer at 75. So, I’ve seen both the quick passing and the long, slow decline. Neither is good. It’s just what it is. You have my sympathy and empathy, Jefe. Even if her memories are being wiped away, you have your memories of her. Celebrate those memories with others, and in this way memorialize her life.

What is the first good memory you have of your mom - the first good thing that comes to mind?

 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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19 February 2021 17:25
 
EN - 19 February 2021 04:49 PM

I went through this with my father, who died at 92.  My mom died rapidly of cancer at 75. So, I’ve seen both the quick passing and the long, slow decline. Neither is good. It’s just what it is. You have my sympathy and empathy, Jefe. Even if her memories are being wiped away, you have your memories of her. Celebrate those memories with others, and in this way memorialize her life.

What is the first good memory you have of your mom - the first good thing that comes to mind?

My first memory of her is playing chase in a house with wood floors and red and white checked curtains.  I was a toddler with noisy white shoes, and we were running up and down the hallway laughing. She bent down with her hands on her knees and said ‘I’m going to catch you and tickle…” I burst into screaming toddler laughter and ran to the end of the hall, where I turned to watch her follow me making tickling motions.

Lots of good memories to remind ourselves about…

 
 
Jefe
 
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Jefe
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19 February 2021 17:25
 
MARTIN_UK - 19 February 2021 11:48 AM

An experience I can sadly relate to and see most days.

Although in my experience it’s those who watch on and who are trying to do their best by their loved one who ultimately suffer the most, and the decision to access professional care when it arrives can be the best resolution bringing peace to the sufferer and their families.

Thanks, Mart.

 
 
MARTIN_UK
 
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MARTIN_UK
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19 February 2021 19:10
 
Jefe - 19 February 2021 05:25 PM
MARTIN_UK - 19 February 2021 11:48 AM

An experience I can sadly relate to and see most days.

Although in my experience it’s those who watch on and who are trying to do their best by their loved one who ultimately suffer the most, and the decision to access professional care when it arrives can be the best resolution bringing peace to the sufferer and their families.

Thanks, Mart.

You are welcome, PM me if you need to.

 
Balfizar1
 
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Balfizar1
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20 February 2021 03:06
 
Jefe - 18 February 2021 05:28 PM

I’ve been posting a lot the past few days.  My mother, who is approaching 90, is sliding into senility fast.  I’ve been caring for her during this pandemic,while on leave from work.

It’s depressing and sad for us all, and, I’m sure, terrifying for her.  I can see this in her eyes as her memories and autonomy are being methodically wiped from her mind and her personality.

Thanks for the distraction.  A few adult ‘conversations’ go a long way after the third or fourth time she repeats a story or reminds us about an important moment from the past weeks.

This part of life ... Sucks.


PS - this is not an apology or an appeal for sympathy.  It is what it is.
(Tautology club ftw…)

Jefe,
      I have been to your mountain top and know there is further to climb,  when you hear the beep, beep, beep of a fedex truck backing into your driveway its going to be a shed load of empathy from me.  It will be sign on delivery no return address.

 
 
EN
 
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EN
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20 February 2021 15:46
 
Jefe - 19 February 2021 05:25 PM
EN - 19 February 2021 04:49 PM

I went through this with my father, who died at 92.  My mom died rapidly of cancer at 75. So, I’ve seen both the quick passing and the long, slow decline. Neither is good. It’s just what it is. You have my sympathy and empathy, Jefe. Even if her memories are being wiped away, you have your memories of her. Celebrate those memories with others, and in this way memorialize her life.

What is the first good memory you have of your mom - the first good thing that comes to mind?

My first memory of her is playing chase in a house with wood floors and red and white checked curtains.  I was a toddler with noisy white shoes, and we were running up and down the hallway laughing. She bent down with her hands on her knees and said ‘I’m going to catch you and tickle…” I burst into screaming toddler laughter and ran to the end of the hall, where I turned to watch her follow me making tickling motions.

Lots of good memories to remind ourselves about…

Sometimes memories are the best part of life.