Death/family obsessive thoughts

 
Captain spaulding
 
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Captain spaulding
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12 April 2021 14:31
 

Hello all! For about a year now I have been having many recurring thoughts on death. Not only what happens to me. But I have this overwhelming fear and worry about how my kids will handle it and hkw it wiol affect them whenever that time comes. They are young now but the thought of them grieving or it negatively affecting them overly so is paralyzing.
I am not sure if anyone had some books, or podcasts or just any practical advice on this subject. I am tired of the thoughts and worry take over my life.

 
weird buffalo
 
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weird buffalo
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12 April 2021 15:11
 

Not specific advice, but if thoughts of a particular type are starting to dominate your life, therapy might be the best solution.  When thoughts are obsessive, it’s usually a bigger issue than just some helpful advice.

Secular Therapy Project is an organization that specifically identifies therapists who use evidence-based methods, and do not use religious methods.

If some of your thoughts and fears stem from a religious upbringing, there is a peer support number:
1-84-i-doubt-it
Their volunteers specialize in helping people find resources and a friendly voice to those struggling with religion.

 
Captain spaulding
 
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Captain spaulding
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12 April 2021 15:27
 
weird buffalo - 12 April 2021 03:11 PM

Not specific advice, but if thoughts of a particular type are starting to dominate your life, therapy might be the best solution.  When thoughts are obsessive, it’s usually a bigger issue than just some helpful advice.

Secular Therapy Project is an organization that specifically identifies therapists who use evidence-based methods, and do not use religious methods.

If some of your thoughts and fears stem from a religious upbringing, there is a peer support number:
1-84-i-doubt-it
Their volunteers specialize in helping people find resources and a friendly voice to those struggling with religion.

Thank you, I have talked with a therapist but I guess my issue was not resolved. I figured it was something every parent faced and my thoughts were just a little to frequent.

 
weird buffalo
 
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weird buffalo
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12 April 2021 19:19
 

Thoughts of what would happen to your children after you die aren’t abnormal.  If you’re looking for basic advice, I would look at taking steps to ensure your children will be looked after if something does happen to you.  Identify legal guardians, set up a trust for your kids, designate another person to control the trust, etc.  If your children are having any concerns, include them in the process.

When my son was small, maybe 4, he attended a family funeral.  In the aftermath, he really pestered my wife about what would happen to her clothes, her car, her jewelry, etc.  The unspoken question was “what is going to happen to me?”  We went through the process of legal guardians and all that… all the questions stopped.

If this is an acute issue for you, it might be that going through a process like this might help.  But if the thoughts are more persistent and worrying to you, it is going to take time to process and figure out.

 
Skipshot
 
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Skipshot
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13 April 2021 16:31
 

What wb wrote.  If the thoughts lead to anxiety and distress, then you need professional help.  And do not be ashamed.  Mental health has a horrible social stigma which prevents many from getting help.  Think of mental health like physical health in that both can be treated.  Also, the road to mental health is not always a straight one, and it may take time and/or other forms of treatment.

 
EN
 
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EN
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13 April 2021 18:04
 

The best you can do is to do your best right now.  Help those you can help and give what you can. Truly, it is more blessed to give than to receive.

 
weird buffalo
 
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weird buffalo
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13 April 2021 23:31
 

One more comment:

If the thoughts are worrying and persistent, it’s okay.  Things can take hold in our mind, and because we are at our core irrational beings, it can be difficult to dislodge them.  Give yourself small tasks to work towards solutions to the problem (legal guardianship, life insurance, etc).  When the thoughts come back, make a list of what you’ve done, and see if you can add something to it.  Don’t let it consume you.  Let it reassure you.

Mindfulness meditation is helpful too.  One of the key portions of a mindfulness exercise is to hold thoughts lightly.  You don’t ignore them or attempt to force them away.  You let them come, and then let them leave.  Mindfulness meditation can help you practice this skill.  I particularly find it useful when my mind is busy and I’m trying to sleep.  By holding the thoughts lightly, yes, my mind can be racing a little, but by avoiding focusing on them, I usually still fall asleep.  Then again, I used to sleep almost on top of very large diesel engines.